Stalling for Time

Sunday, June 15

no really

    Stupid things I have said that people have taken seriously:
  • I'm a French-Canadian war orphan
  • I'm going to start a clothing label, Norma Jeans. In addition to selling retardedly tight denim, the company will produce wrist-gash temporary tattoos.
  • I have a big bag of space rocks, which are crack rocks dipped in PCP, in my backpack. You kids need any? Five bucks.

Sarcasm: You say something phenomenally stupid, first with the intent of communicating exactly the opposite of what has been said (because it was stupid), and second, to emphasize that what you said is stupid, and so is anybody that would agree. The more serious your tone, and the more outrageous the claim, the funnier it is, just because of the greater disparity between what is meant and what is said.

Unfortunately, there is a problem. One would hope that if I were to say something such as "I got the space rocks," you would say "Ha! What a delightful joke. Suburban college kids don't actually got the space rocks." But as it turns out, sarcasm will ultimately fail because everybody else but me is a moron.

I witness this constantly. I don't know about you, but I've had to use the phrase "I was just being sarcastic" far more than I should. Maybe it's unfair to expect people to know me well enough to know when I'm "lying," but I guess I understand how terrible it would be to be stupid that you think an ethnic French-Canadian looks like a Korean kid. Wait, nevermind, I lied. I have no conception of what it's like to be that dense. I can't imagine it.

Nonetheless, I will sympathize with those people in the world that just don't get it, the ones who live where people speak plainly, the douchebags that constantly remind me that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit. Sarcasm, and his father Irony, should be seen for what they are: Great big walls, keeping the stupid from scrambling north into the liberating lands of intelligent discourse. How can we ever expect to have a truly democratic debate on a level playing field when the smarty-pants types won't even say what they mean?

Is this just me? Are there other people out there who are too sarcastic for their own good? Is it our fault?

For more, incredibly (stupidly) detailed reading on Sarcasm, consult Wikipedia.

Tuesday, June 10

Bitch, I ain't got no job.

Yeah, I'm scraping by on yard work this summer. Not giving a shit is pretty liberating, let me tell you what. So I have all this free time and it's actually not driving me crazy or causing me to be broke. A few chores for my parents here and there, and I've got enough money to get by. Truth be told, if I was working full-time, I'd probably spend all the extra money on drugs. So, it's like, I get more free time, less stress, and my body thanks me for it.

So what to do with my free time? I don't know. I have the whole summer to pursue whatever the hell I want. Normally, this would mean "take it easy, smoke some buds, have some beers, and not give a fuck." I wouldn't mind that, and fuck, that kind of behavior is pretty much par for the course since a summer of drug abuse would be, surprisingly, quite healthy. I need some time to just not care about classes, work, women, money (LionCash+ and boardpoints included), roommates, and so on.

But saying "I did nothing because it is summer" (as too many of my friends are encouraging me to do) is an excuse, not a reason. In fact, it's a pretty fucking stupid excuse. Yes, school is on hold right now; However unfortunately, time is not. So, during my dedicated four months away from book-learnin', it's personal development time, bitches.

Right now, I'm trying to eliminate as much excess from my life as I can. Bullshit breeds bullshit, you see; Everything you own contributes towards the mess on your floor, is probably bad for you, and will inevitably need to be fixed, fucked with, unfucked with, upgraded, thrown out, or replaced. This bullshit principle applies to more of your life than material possessions, however. After all, your car payment is dependent on money is dependent on a job is dependent on school. School, of course, conflicts with everything.

What degree of bullshit would you be willing to kick out of your life? Simplicity is nice, but so is running water. I'd like to pay some bills, ya heard? I want to continue lifting weights regularly, learn to play guitar a bit better, pick up some more books (and maybe even read them!), spend more time appreciating the outdoors, and so on, and so forth. And, fuck it, I've got all these half-baked thought-fragments left over from whatever psychedelics I've been cramming into my brain. Maybe I'll spend some time actually fleshing these ideas out while sober, rather than just going to the Ledges (again) and claiming that "I realized that trees are like, pretty trippy, 'cus of fractals and shit, man, drugs really expand your mind."

And yeah, none of those activities sound necessarily fun but if I've learned anything this semester, it's that fun and happiness have absolutely jackshit nothing nothing nothing to do with each other, so grow the fuck up, okay?

So that's me. What bullshit do you want to eliminate from your life? And are you neglecting any positive activities that you should spend more time with? What's stopping you?

ps. link dump: McCain gets paid $58,000 a year for being "technically" disabled, "When every song ever recorded fits on your MP3 player, will you listen to any of them?", and if you feel like wasting your summer with an MMORPG about internet memes, check out ForumWarz.

Tuesday, May 6

Exploring Kant's Critique of Pure Reason

Hey, read my final PHIL 001 paper. Please?

What is knowledge? How can humans know things about the world? Humans have pondered the answers to these philosophical questions since ancient times. Socrates and his student Plato laid the groundwork for epistemic discourse with their enquiries as to how one can come to know what virtue is. As the perplexities endure, unanswered, different schools of thought emerge, each proposing its own systems of belief with regards to epistemology. Descartes and other rationalists have asserted that we can know the world through reason alone; Empiricists have argued that we can only learn through experience.

With the 1748 (1) publication of his Enquiry concerning Human Understanding, David Hume explored rationalism and empiricism. In his discussion, he made the skeptical conclusion that correct knowledge about the world is ultimately impossible. Influenced by Hume, a German philosopher named Immanuel Kant awakened himself from what he called a “dogmatic slumber” (2) and began exploring the nature of human reason. In this essay, I will explore Kant’s epistemology and its implications for Hume’s skepticism.

In chapter four of the Enquiry, Hume drew a distinction between two different kinds of objects of thought (Hume 28, 29). In the one category, he placed what he called “relations of ideas.” These objects, such as math and geometry, are true a priori. They have no dependence on anything that actually exists within the universe. These thoughts are instead dependent on a certain framework; for example, statements such as “All bachelors are unmarried men” belong in this category because we can reason them to be true without actually asking every bachelor whether or not he is married.

Hume called second category of enquiry “matters of fact.” Matters of fact are proven empirically, or a posteriori – That is to say, they are dependent on actual experience with real things. Matters of fact tell us things about the world. That “All bachelors are happy” is an example of a matter of fact, since it makes a general statement about real objects rather than a connection between ideas. Hume asserts that “All reasoning concerning matter of fact seem to be founded on the relation of cause and effect,” (Hume 29) an idea that has dire consequences for empirical knowledge.

Cause and effect relationships are used to make statements about matters of fact, but such conclusions may not be logically sound. Hume says that cause and effect is inferred from past events (Hume 30). We see something happen, and we see the result. From this, we infer that if the same cause occurs again, then the same result will follow. Such a conclusion would assume that the past will necessarily resemble the future (Hume 35), a proposition for which there is no guarantee.

According to Hume, this division between the a priori and the a posteriori makes knowledge about the world impossible. Our a priori thoughts can only give us true statements about the ways in which ideas relate to one another. Our a posteriori thoughts can give us statements about the world itself, but due their groundings in inferences about the future, they cannot be anything more than speculation. Hence, the two classes of reason are mutually exclusive to one another, and neither can provide a certain statement about the world. It is this distinction, “Hume’s Fork,” that Kant will explore.

In the introduction of the Critique, Kant discusses judgments. For Kant, a judgment has a subject and a predicate. In “All bachelors are unmarried men,” “all bachelors” are the subject and “are unmarried men” is the predicate. He draws a line between two kinds of judgments: The synthetic and the analytic. This demarcation is made by way of the containment criterion. The containment criterion asks whether or not a proposition’s predicate is contained in the subject. For example, in the case of the analytic, Kant tells us that “the predicate B belongs to the subject A, as something which is (covertly) contained in this concept A,” (3) whereas in the case of the synthetic, the predicate statement is not contained in the subject. Combined with Hume’s ideas about the a priori versus the a posteriori, and their implications for matters of fact versus relations of ideas, this distinction between analytic and synthetic provides us with a schematic of reason as demonstrated in the following table, reproduced from Analytic and Synthetic Judgments before Kant (4):

a prioria posteriori
analyticrelations of ideas
truths of reason
none
syntheticnonematters of fact
truths of fact

The crux of Kant’s argument is against the skeptical notion that the a priori and the synthetic are exclusive to one another. He hopes to illustrate that certain (ie. “true,” not “particular”) statements of fact can be made.

In order to find the synthetic a priori judgments that Kant proposes, we only need look as far as space and time. When Kant writes about space and time, he is referring to our perceptions of these things. While empiricism’s philosophy states that we learn about space and time through experience (that is, space and time are a posteriori), Kant asserts that our ideas of space and time are a priori structures that provide the lens through which we experience the outer and inner world, respectively (5); Space and time are not things that we have learned about, but innate processes through which our mind goes about its business.

Kant illustrates his perspective with thought experiments. With regards to space, he says that “We can never represent to ourselves the absence of space, though we can quite well think it as empty of objects. It must,” he continues, “therefore be regarded as the condition of the possibility of appearances, and not as a determination dependent upon them.” (CPR B-38, 39) Since we can’t conceive a universe without space, space is a constant. It is a priori. It is innately a part of our cognitive processes.

Kant also claims that space is one indivisible intuition – that there are no separate spaces, only parts of one space. Hence, we can’t empirically experience all of space (especially because it is infinite), and we can’t empirically experience numerous separate, smaller spaces. We also can’t experience small parts of space and expect our empirical findings to generalize to all of space. “The whole of space is prior to its parts; The former is presupposed for the union of the latter.” (6) After making these assertions, Kant applies the same arguments to time.

According to Kant, an a priori space should also lend us the idea of a synthetic, a priori knowledge of geometry. Kant discusses the synthetic nature of geometry in the Prolegomena. He uses the congruency of two figures to prove his point. When one tries to prove two triangles as being congruent, each triangle does not contain within it the concept of being identical to the other triangle. (Prolegomena 284) Thus, a conclusion about congruency cannot be derived analytically. It must be reached by synthesis, using innate (a priori) ideas about space.

Having made his arguments for geometry and space, Kant makes analogous arguments for math and time. When we say that math is synthetic, we must remember that an important part of the containment criterion is that “contained in” can, in a sense, mean “defined by.” “An idealized version of an analytic judgment would be one of the form ‘All AB are A,’ or ‘all C are A,’ where ‘C’ is defined as ‘A and B.’” (7) Thus, as Kant says, “The concept of 12 is by no means already thought in merely thinking this union of 7 and 5; and I may analyse my concept of such a possible sum as long as I please, still I shall never find the 12 in it.” (CPR B-53)

So where do we get this concept of twelve from? According to Kant, our understanding of time is crucial for our understanding of math, “For neither coexistence nor succession would ever come within our perception, if the representation of time were not presupposed as underlying them a priori.” (CPR B-46) Succession, in turn, is necessary for math. Kant is able to illustrate succession in the case of 7+5 by counting on his fingers: “I now add one by one to the number 7 the units which I previously took together to form the number 5, and with the aid of that figure [the hand] see the number 12 come into being.” (CPR B-53) Of importance, here, is the phrase “come into being,” which finalizes Kant’s point that the 12 is synthesized from this union, not found analytically.

With its exposition of the synthetic a priori, Kant’s Critique is successful as a refutation to Hume’s claims and provides us with a new way of thinking about the debate between rationalists and empiricists; For Kant has shown a way for us to cross Hume’s fork, and in doing so, gain true knowledge about the world. Although Kant’s work hasn’t solved all of philosophy’s problems – debates about his writing continue to this day – we can at least give it the honor of being a decent step forward.

____________________
1. Hume, David. An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding and Other Writings. Ed. Stephen Buckle. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 2007. Pg xxxiii.
2. Kant, Immanuel. Prolegomena to Any Future Metaphysics. Trans. Paul Carus. Berlin: Akademie, 1911. Pg 260.
3. Kant, Immanuel. Critique of Pure Reason. Trans. Norman Kemp Smith. London: Macmillan & Co LTD, 1963. Pg B-10.
4. Beck, Lewis White. Essays on Kant and Hume. New Haven: Yale University Press, 1978. Pg 81.
5. Kant on Pure Reason. Ed. Ralph C.S. Walker. New York: Oxford University Press, 1982. Pg 31.
6. Seung, T. K.. Kant: A Guide for the Perplexed. London: Continuum International Publishing Group, 2007. Pg 11.
7. Kant on Pure Reason. Ed. Ralph C.S. Walker. New York: Oxford University Press, 1982. Pg 20.

Friday, February 8

We are legion.

This shit's getting big.

I'm really pumped for this. It's awesome because the fucking internet is going to war. That's really weird to me. We're getting decent media attention, too. I'll be happy to see the outcome of the 2/10 protests. The real-world protests are going to involve a projected 300,000+ people in 70 cities, thus giving the media a visual to associate with movement. Hopefully, Anonymous will get some attention from the media from the whole ordeal. Even if it's just a couple internet kids wearing V for Vendetta masks shouting about Xenu, it'll make a difference in big-picture terms. People will know that Scientology is more than just silly.

Wednesday, January 30

A Bedtime Story

My Philosophy teacher's uncle told him this story before bed one night, back when he was a young lad. I'd like to share it here, because I think there's a valuable lesson to be learned, also I think it's a funny story to tell a kid.

Once upon a time, there was a young boy. The boy was alone in the world. He had no parents, no friends, no family, not even any teachers. He was very, very sad, all of the time.

One night, the boy thought that he would be happier somewhere else. So he looked at the moon, and how big and bright it was in the night sky, and decided to go there. But when he got to the moon, it was nothing more than a big ball of cheese. Disappointed, the boy went home.

The next day, he looked up at the sky and saw the sun. He thought that the sun looked like a happy place to be, so he went to it. When he got there, though, the sun was nothing but a plastic yellow ball. Hardly an entertaining place to be. Disappointed, the boy went home.

That night, he looked skywards again and saw the stars. They had a mysterious allure to him, and their twinkling was even encouraging to him, in a way. So once again, he journeyed skywards, but when he got there, he saw that the stars were nothing but small holes in a big black piece of construction paper. Disappointed, the boy went home.

And there he remains to this day.

There is a point to this story, which I have forgotten.

Monday, January 28

Anonymous corrupts innocent lols

The people of the Internet, Anonymous, LLers, the Goons of SA, OTers who were previously thwarted in an attempted stunt at the Mission: Impossible 3 opening, the YTMNDers, various hacker groups, trolls of the world, the GameFAQs members, the Gaians, the eBaumers, and the Mxicans; us old time Internet users, and the newest of noobs, the YouTubers and MySpacers, must band together for a fight that transcends our differences and takes us to a level beyond our individual selves.

It's been going on for a while, but now it's time to admit it. The internet is legit. It's not just for nerds anymore. The Internet is vast, expansive, and all-inclusive. It's made up of people from all walks of life shedding their societal constraints and letting the madness run wild. Sarcastic assholes, sexual deviants, your grandmother, they all have their place here. MySpace jokes are made on network television. Someone you know was a YouTube interweb superstar.

So what does this nascent society do with its newfound power? Why, declare war, of course! A just war, in my opinion. The Church of scientology is responsible for a laundry list of atrocities, including fraud, burglary, and murder.

It's not necessarily the crazy that makes Scientology an easy target. Well, actually, yeah, it is, because that sci-fi shit's fucking hilarious. The fun part is, scientologists believe that shit. They believe it because by the time you're allowed to learn about it, you've forked over more than $300,000 to the church. With the stakes so high, it'd be hard to admit to yourself that you fucked up.

I've always admired Scientology, I really have. I can only fucking dream of coming up with a scam so glorious. At the root of scientology is a concept that is central to all marketing: That you are unhappy. We can fix you. Combined with rabid misinformation campaigns, the creation of an "us-vs-them" mentality, and a highly inclusive "you're in the club!" culture, the church has become an incredible success, earning untold millions of dollars and ruining countless lives. I can only dream of being so brilliant.

So when the time comes, I'll see you at church.

Tuesday, January 15

the madness continues

Spring '08 schedule posted here.

One of my favorite things about being sarcastic and cynical is that people take all of the stupid shit I say seriously. Often this leads to people thinking I'm kind of out there. Sometimes people take offense. Most of the time, though, people just think I'm agreeing with them and not making fun of them. I love it. Love it, love it, love it.

On the filesharing front, I read an article in the Times yesterday where they talked about proposing network-level content filtering for the purpose of stopping piracy. This would mean that instead of searching the p2p nets for people sharing files, or placing automatic filters on the YouTube servers (or, God forbid, your own computer) to weed out copyrighted material, the search for pirated material would be happening at your ISP.

In short, all of your internet traffic would be analyzed by your ISP (Comcast, TWC, what have you) for potentially copyrighted content zipping through your intertubes. This frightens me, and it should frighten you. Your own ISP, who you pay an exorbitant amount of money each month (for something that should be free, no less), is going to assume that you are a criminal and have computers checking your internet traffic. "But Jon," you say, "I'm not a criminal! If you're being a responsible, law-abiding citizen, you should have nothing to hide from the interweb cops!"

I'm not even going to address the ethics of filesharing right now, since that horse has been beaten well into the ground. The ISP is treating you like a criminal and invading your privacy, yes, but even that might not be enough to convince you to be concerned. Rather, let me just remind you that we all have something to hide. Because the internet is for porn.

I'd like to close with another reminder that I hate everyone: Drug Approved, Is Disease Real?