Culmination

Students are screaming and fratbros are raping and drinking cheap beer, it's the most wonderful time of the year.

Yesterday my roommates got into a huge fight with each other, spraying shaving cream and hand lotion at each other. Jackie suggested that this scenario would have been really, really sexy if my roommates were all girls. I considered this and masturbated furiously shortly afterwards.

A short while later, I smelled Axe and concluded that Jaret was spraying Axe to get rid of the shaving cream smell. I dunno, it seems like something he'd do. Then I heard the hissing noise and it hit me - I'd been Axe bombed. Apparently the person that did it hit a few other rooms, but the guys in those rooms were just like "hay dude why did you leave a bunch of empty Axe cans in my room?"

It really ruins a joke when you have to explain it. "Well, it's supposed to make your room smell bad, and like. Uh. You get really mad, and it's funny." "Oh. Heh. Okay," and then a really awkward silence is shared by everyone, one party starting to doubt how funny the prank is and the other party dealing with the realization that he's so slow, he can ruin other people's jokes.

The office of the bursar replied to my letter and informed me that if I keep up to date on my balance, I won't have to deal with holds. You don't get it, do you, asshole? I don't care that my account was suspended. I take full responsibility for that. But I'd like to fucking hear about it when it fucking happens and not two full weeks after the fact.

A true story, not a joke, though it was repeated as often, tugboated relentlessly, was of the beat cop from Court Street who routinely dislodged clumps of teenagers clustered at night on stoops or in front of bars and who, if met with excuses, would cut them off with "Yeah, yeah. Tell your story walking."

I just took my last final, making the year officially over. Learning is at the core of the college experience; I feel that I've learned more outside the classroom than in it. College is a hell of a lot better than that whole "drop out and try to find my purpose" thing, because finding a purpose is a hell of a lot easier when you can learn about anything you want and are surrounded by 40,000 people in the same boat as you. Besides, as long as I have no direction, I'm gonna appreciate the opportunity to get something done while I'm waiting for inspiration to strike me.

I always urge people to do something, even if it just means spending a year hitchhiking and trying to learn about life from others. The idea of just dropping out and working at Country Fair until I die seems appealing every now and then, but I need to stick to my own advice. Everything should be an accomplishment, not just a way of stalling for time, waiting for the next life. Looking at this whole year behind me, I can't believe I ever even considered moving back to Erie. I'll make shit happen, I'll have my name remembered, I'll do something I can be proud of, I'll meet every last one of the other six billion people trying to do the same. I'll tell my story walking.