i started listening to indie rock music

Have one, have twenty more "one mores" and oh, it does not relent; The good times are killing me.

She's one of those girls that you look at and immediately think, "Goddamn, she's way out of my league." And not because she's hot and you're kinda short, kinda skinny, spend a lot of time jacking off into tissues (or not), but because she's just different, man, one of those girls that really only intimidated you because of her confidence. She runs with those kids, which is a little scary, but a little sexy. She's tall, dark, and handsome. She's more of a man than you ever were.

As much as she seemed distant from your life, she always sorta ran with everyone, so it's like, fuck, you were bound to meet her someday, right? Oh man, the relationship was great. Good times. Great times. She introduces you to some really rad people, people you'll know for years to come. She's more than just a fun girl to party with, too. You'd learned things from her, things that no matter what happens, you're grateful for.

One day, you find out that she's been hooking up with just about everybody. Not just a couple of your friends - the really, really together people you knew her to hang out with - but also all those people that had gone nowhere, and worse, people that were currently on a voyage to nowhere. Every person she touches, she drags down with her. There's no such thing as "no-strings-attached."

It bothers you that your first thoughts upon waking are of her. It bothers you that those same great times could have probably happened with anyone else. Maybe even girls that were less high-fucking-maintenance. You want out.

Fear sets in. "What am I going to do without her? How will I spend my days, nights, with friends who were mutual acquaintances?" You think: She was always with you, through good and through bad. You wonder: Did I really need her there?

Fuck it. Tell her you need some time apart.

xPOLITICSx_

Okay, first of all, videogames (electronic athletes) are going to be on nationally broadcast Televison this Sunday. Check your local listings.

Politics! Oh, those wacky CNN/YouTube debates. Good thing that among the crazy internet questions (slavery reparations whatthefuck), there were still ample opportunities for the "we probably couldn't get anything worse than we have now" hopefuls to deliver their canned lines.

Whatever dude, I still fucking loved the idea of the whole thing. From a business standpoint, way rad idea. CNN and YouTube are definitely going to cash in on this one, so a Colbert-esque tip of the hat to them. Whoever came up with the idea deserves a fucking raise. From a less superficial standpoint, the format of the questions turned it into more of a town hall meeting than anything else. Canned lines probably took a lot of tweaking.

Despite the more personal nature of the debate, the Republicans decided they were going to be all Luddite about it and withdraw. Giuliani cites "scheduling conflicts" as his reason for withdrawing; conflicts with fundraising scheduling. Yes, making more money to buy TV commercials is definitely a better idea than telling the people what the fuck they want to know. Mitt Romney, fucking dickbag, withdraws because he's apparently "above" this kind of debate. He thinks it's ridiculous for him to be answering questions to a snowman. Big fucking mistake, douchebag. Apparently he thinks that snowmen are real; if he didn't, he'd fucking realize that the snowman was the creation of a real live voter voicing a legit concern.

At least journalistic integrity is gonna help us through the '08 election. Check out this little gem by Washington Post fashion columnist Robin Givhan. So Hillary Clinton wears this suit, right? It's not the "strictly business" pantsuit you're used to seeing female politicians (lol) in. No, "She was wearing a rose-colored blazer over a black top. The neckline sat low on her chest and had a subtle V-shape." Oh man, I don't like where this is going. Where is it going, Robin? Please tell me. I'm dying to know. "The cleavage registered after only a quick glance. No scrunch-faced scrutiny was necessary. There wasn't an unseemly amount of cleavage showing, but there it was. Undeniable."

areyoufuckingkiddingme? If you actually look at a picture of the outfit in question, there's no fucking cleavage to be found. Trust me, I have a decent eye for it. But more importantly, who cares? Who the fuck watches FUCKING ELECTION COVERAGE thinking, "Hot suit, Hill. Grrrowl." Like, Goddamn, I kind of leave that up to people that jack off to C-SPAN, but nope, it's fashion reporters (surprised?). I'm sure there was some ridiculous, "provocative" reason that Hillary Clinton wore that outfit. I'm sure she didn't wear it because "it looked nice."

Goddamn, people.

drink, dose, and blow this bender with benzos and bowls

Note 7/31: I don't remember writing a single fucking word of this. Proceed with caution.

I don't think I'm an asshole for saying this, but isn't it so nice to feel re-assured that you're better than a lot of people? Like, hit up the Millcreek Mall on any given day, and BAM: Erie's finest. Walking through the Mall, weird looking people are everywhere. Old people powerwalking around the mall at 9 AM, the MAGICAL NAILS cult (with asians), kids walking around screaming with their parents all "Jeffy! Jeffy! STOP THAT RIGHT NOW. YOU'RE IN BIG FUCKING TROUBLE, MISTER. Don't make me. Don't. Okay, you asked for it - YOU'RE ADOPTED."

But fuck that dude, that shit's not uncommon enough for me to give it two shits. "mall people" are a little quirky, a little "Fuck, I hope I don't turn out like that," but a little boring. What you need is Erie Mall People. Erie Mall people wearing Carhartt worksuits carrying around fishing poles indoors. Or maybe really scrawny Erie Mall people who all have daddy issues walking around in those Hot Topic fat pants and stopping every now and then to polish the chains hanging from their belts.

There's sports stores for black people that are always full of people pondering, "should I get this jersey in XXXL... or XXXXL. Damn," and they stores are all way close to all the rich white teenager stores in the Aryan Youth Corridor. "AF! AERO! AE! HCO! WOOOOO! Buy really nice jeans that have hideous holes torn in them before they even leave the factory! That's fucking vintage, man. That's fucking vintage. Shit brah, we should get all drunk on jagerbombs tonight, except we have to be quiet because I don't want to wake up the girl I'm having sex with, right now."

Every time I walk past someone in the mall I wouldn't fit in with, I'm disgusted. Like, people having fuckstick relationship arguments in the fucking subway, or the fucking crackhead that came up to me and started telling me about his PA. Or the fact that any time you try to walk into the mall, there's like a gang of dudes that look like chicks and they're cruising with a gang of chicks that look like carpetmunchers. They're all chilling, right, trying to bum cigarettes from you ("Sorry dude, I only have two left, I have another pack here but I don't want to open it. You cry!"), talking about how some kid totally caught his best friend drinking Red Bull ("It gives you wings!"™), which is like, totally breaking edge. You just want to walk up to them and scream "HIGH SCHOOL. HIGH SCHOOL. HIGH SCHOOL." over and over again until they realize that High School was a fucking joke. But no, they prey on others by intentionally expressing their insecurities just so they can get a fucking hug or a little "people like me!" ego trip or some stupid fucking bullshit.

People at the mall can't fucking drive. Also, the Bazaar. wtf?

Seriously, Erie's fucking finest. Everyone needs to shop, right? I honestly hope that Millcreek Mall's usual crowd isn't representative of like, the demographics of the area around. 'cus if that was going on, we'd all be fucking morons. Nonetheless, I love going to the mall, because living is my work, and it feels good to know that I've lived and accomplished more than half the people that went to Millcreek Mall TODAY including the fucking fatass security guard with the moustache.

Should we compare ourselves to others? It seems childish and immature, like, "can't you just accept people as they are?" Answer: "No. Fuck no." It may be a little snobby for me to think I'm better than a lot of REAL PEOPLE with REAL PROBLEMS and all that bullshit, but Jesus Christ, only at places like the mall do you see mothers walking their daughters around in a leash and STILL NOT PAYING FUCKING ATTENTION TO THE KID. Only at the mall can you apply for so many shitty jobs in one fell swoop - You don't even get any job interview calls, sure, usually they hire an attractive, blonde, white boy instead of you.

I hate the fucking mall. How the fuck blonde is any bitch that wakes up like, "Oh man, weekend! I get to go shopping today and buy a bunch of bullshit (with a coupon) that I wouldn't even want if it wasn't on sale! My entire day is planned around spending money! Possibly getting that red coat from the catalog! FUCK YEAH!" I go to the mall because there's a specific store I want to go to, and a specific item I want to get, and then I buy it and leave. Or sometimes I get really baked, shoot heroin in the Sears bathroom, and then walk around the mall, dejectedly grinning at any girls I see that are between the ages of fourteen and sixteen. Either way, I don't go to the mall to "shop," and I seriously want to know, are people like "We'll go to the mall and SHOP! Anything we want, we'll just buy shit since we can! An entire afternoon of SPENDING MONEY! Man, this is gonna be great, I hope I get something out of this."

In spite of all of our accomplishments, things like cellphones and television and that, people have always been, on average, happy. For years and years, we've all been exactly the same and we've all had the same silly times in high school and same silly late night conversations except ours were way cool because we'd always get all fucked up on psychedelics and talk about Kubric movies. Sure, my parents probably did that (or knew people who did), but kids these days have even crazier drugs! Drugs that no physician or scientist even understands, chemicals with weird-ass names like 5-MeO-DMT and 2c-T-21 and methylfentanyl, which is china white heroin refined from prescription drugs.

So kids of today have crazy drugs, yet what the fuck do we do? We sit in dark rooms chainsmoking cigarettes and hoping that someone has a fucking lighter. It's still amusing and silly and that, but fuck, why do we always need to go back to the drug den and spend more money? We sit around doing nothing.

What I'm getting at is, lazy people have been lazy and content with it for years. Back in the day, it was nothing but blues music, but that blues music led to rock, and oh man, now there's like 5,000,000 bands and they've all rhymed the words "love" with "heaven above" in all of their albums. There's SO MUCH VARIETY of music now, but did that let us really enjoy other music more? People used to get by with 8 tracks, not ipods. I'm sure those people didn't fucking like music more once they invented whit earbuds.

The question I'm getting at is, why more? Why keep trying? Why strive for human development? We have quite a bit now, if you think about it. We built skyscrapers and we put people in space. We got sick of being on the same goddamn planet all the time and spontaneously decided to go the moon. We've kicked the worlds ass. This, and only recently we were beating rocks together and gnawing on bones. But we've done all this and we're still not happy. Our lives aren't really "better" now than they were 50 years ago, except now we have more stupid shit.

That should tell us something. We shouldn't be building towards happiness, because happiness is an emotion, happiness is an instantaneous thing, happiness is a weird feeling you get in your pants when something startles you. Happiness is simple and borders on the superficial. We should be building towards self-fulfillment. People who are happy are those who have completed whatever goals they set for themselves.

My poor brain.