no really

Stupid things I have said that people have taken seriously:
• I'm a French-Canadian war orphan
• I'm going to start a clothing label, Norma Jeans. In addition to selling retardedly tight denim, the company will produce wrist-gash temporary tattoos.
• I have a big bag of space rocks, which are crack rocks dipped in PCP, in my backpack. You kids need any? Five bucks.

Sarcasm: You say something phenomenally stupid, first with the intent of communicating exactly the opposite of what has been said (because it was stupid), and second, to emphasize that what you said is stupid, and so is anybody that would agree. The more serious your tone, and the more outrageous the claim, the funnier it is, just because of the greater disparity between what is meant and what is said.

Unfortunately, there is a problem. One would hope that if I were to say something such as "I got the space rocks," you would say "Ha! What a delightful joke. Suburban college kids don't actually got the space rocks." But as it turns out, sarcasm will ultimately fail because everybody else but me is a moron.

I witness this constantly. I don't know about you, but I've had to use the phrase "I was just being sarcastic" far more than I should. Maybe it's unfair to expect people to know me well enough to know when I'm "lying," but I guess I understand how terrible it would be to be stupid that you think an ethnic French-Canadian looks like a Korean kid. Wait, nevermind, I lied. I have no conception of what it's like to be that dense. I can't imagine it.

Nonetheless, I will sympathize with those people in the world that just don't get it, the ones who live where people speak plainly, the douchebags that constantly remind me that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit. Sarcasm, and his father Irony, should be seen for what they are: Great big walls, keeping the stupid from scrambling north into the liberating lands of intelligent discourse. How can we ever expect to have a truly democratic debate on a level playing field when the smarty-pants types won't even say what they mean?

Is this just me? Are there other people out there who are too sarcastic for their own good? Is it our fault?

For more, incredibly (stupidly) detailed reading on Sarcasm, consult Wikipedia.

Bitch, I ain't got no job.

Yeah, I'm scraping by on yard work this summer. Not giving a shit is pretty liberating, let me tell you what. So I have all this free time and it's actually not driving me crazy or causing me to be broke. A few chores for my parents here and there, and I've got enough money to get by. Truth be told, if I was working full-time, I'd probably spend all the extra money on drugs. So, it's like, I get more free time, less stress, and my body thanks me for it.

So what to do with my free time? I don't know. I have the whole summer to pursue whatever the hell I want. Normally, this would mean "take it easy, smoke some buds, have some beers, and not give a fuck." I wouldn't mind that, and fuck, that kind of behavior is pretty much par for the course since a summer of drug abuse would be, surprisingly, quite healthy. I need some time to just not care about classes, work, women, money (LionCash+ and boardpoints included), roommates, and so on.

But saying "I did nothing because it is summer" (as too many of my friends are encouraging me to do) is an excuse, not a reason. In fact, it's a pretty fucking stupid excuse. Yes, school is on hold right now; However unfortunately, time is not. So, during my dedicated four months away from book-learnin', it's personal development time, bitches.

Right now, I'm trying to eliminate as much excess from my life as I can. Bullshit breeds bullshit, you see; Everything you own contributes towards the mess on your floor, is probably bad for you, and will inevitably need to be fixed, fucked with, unfucked with, upgraded, thrown out, or replaced. This bullshit principle applies to more of your life than material possessions, however. After all, your car payment is dependent on money is dependent on a job is dependent on school. School, of course, conflicts with everything.

What degree of bullshit would you be willing to kick out of your life? Simplicity is nice, but so is running water. I'd like to pay some bills, ya heard? I want to continue lifting weights regularly, learn to play guitar a bit better, pick up some more books (and maybe even read them!), spend more time appreciating the outdoors, and so on, and so forth. And, fuck it, I've got all these half-baked thought-fragments left over from whatever psychedelics I've been cramming into my brain. Maybe I'll spend some time actually fleshing these ideas out while sober, rather than just going to the Ledges (again) and claiming that "I realized that trees are like, pretty trippy, 'cus of fractals and shit, man, drugs really expand your mind."

And yeah, none of those activities sound necessarily fun but if I've learned anything this semester, it's that fun and happiness have absolutely jackshit nothing nothing nothing to do with each other, so grow the fuck up, okay?

So that's me. What bullshit do you want to eliminate from your life? And are you neglecting any positive activities that you should spend more time with? What's stopping you?

ps. link dump: McCain gets paid $58,000 a year for being "technically" disabled, "When every song ever recorded fits on your MP3 player, will you listen to any of them?", and if you feel like wasting your summer with an MMORPG about internet memes, check out ForumWarz.